Life Intervened.

I never really write much on the weekends, as it’s such a novelty to spend a full day, especially two in a row, with C.  We don’t get much time together in the evenings, and I do most of my writing during the mornings or afternoons while he’s at work.  Also, this past weekend was Valentine’s weekend, so we were busy doing date-like things.

Unfortunately, C came down with a virus of some sort on Sunday, and while he weathered it out so that we could still have a good day, he was considerably worse Monday and even worse today.  He stayed home sick from work yesterday and today, so I’ve been spending the majority of my time with him, making sure he’s comfortable and actually resting.  He can be mighty uncooperative when he’s sick, and such a difficult patient requires a lot of supervision.

What all this means is that I haven’t had any time to sit down and gather my thoughts for long enough to write something.  I’ve been sitting, but mainly just watching tv and/or playing board games with C.  I’ll get back on track once I’ve nursed him back to health.  Don’t give up on me yet, please!  I know I left off right in the middle of an idea, but I didn’t want to just throw something together all slap-dash.  I have a lot to say, and I want to say it well.

The Quest for / Question of Meat Substitutes (part 1)

I’ve been talking about being a vegetarian and how sometimes I miss the taste of meat.  That being said, I did stop eating meat for many reasons.  One of them is that it bothers me to be aware of the reality of eating an actual animal’s actual flesh.  That’s oogy to me when I think about it. I know other people feel that way, and I know there are a few vegetarians, vegans, herbivores, and part-timers who simply do not like the taste or texture of meat.

Here's a lovely spread.

With all that in mind, why is there such an overwhelming array of options for fake meat?  Why do so many people wish to eat something that reminds them of what they have chosen not to eat?  I have never fully understood it.  Sometimes, I get that urge to eat something that resembles a chicken nugget without the guilt.  I will admit to that.  They are very available, but there are a combination of factors that keep me from going out and buying them.  I’ll discuss some of the other ones in a minute, but one of those reasons is that I forsake meat, completely.  I have little desire to trick myself into thinking that I’m eating it.  I chose not to ingest animals, which means that my grounds for that choice won out over my appetite for them.  I don’t want to pretend to myself that I’m still eating them.  It just seems weird to me.

Now I want to get into the issue of soy.  I have a big problem with soy, I’ll just say that right out – so if you exalt the stuff, consider yourself warned.  I’m already prejudiced and my research has only made me more so.  Leave if you want to, but you may learn something if you stick around.

I will freely disclose the fact that the main reason I began to avoid soy is that I don’t digest it well.  You’re aware of lactose intolerance, I will assume, so apply that concept to me eating soy.  It’s not a nice thing to think about, so let’s leave it at that.  I am self-aware enough to realize when a particular food is declaring war on me from the inside, so I try not to give it the opportunity and I keep the good old alimentary canal on lock-down when I see tofu or “soy milk” lurking about.  (One exception – the Japanese restaurant that C’s family goes to twice a year or so.  I want a hibachi meal, and the choices are either tofu, meat, or half a plate full of zucchini and bean sprouts; so I take about 5 digestive enzyme pills, order the tofu hibachi, and go into battle.)

there are so many ways to get it into you.

Since I began working at my first job at a health food store, I started questioning the holy status that the health foodies seemed to bestow upon all that is soy.  Soy milk, tofu, tempeh, soy ice cream, soy nuts, soy isoflavone supplements, soy nut butter; the list is seemingly endless.  Generally, the idea seems to be that it’s a nice source of protein for those who eschew meat, especially for a completely meat, dairy, and egg-free diet.  I can get behind the idea of adding a little extra protein into the diet if you’re worried about it, but again that’s a questionable issue, one that I plan on delving into eventually.  The concern for me is the sheer amount of soy people seem to be consuming.

Now here are some burning questions and issues I think about when soy is the topic:

Are the phytoestrogens in soy a problem?  Does that worry anyone else?  Is it safe to be eating this much of it?

Much (most) of the soy grown for human consumption is genetically modified, unless you’re specifically buying organic and non-GMO items.

I’ve heard that large chunks of rain forest have been cleared to make room for enormous soy plantations – in order to accommodate the stupendous American consumption of the stuff.  Is that true?

The government subsidizes soy crops just the same way it does corn, causing farmers to specialize in one of those crops, leading to a loss in the balance of supply and demand in agricultural commerce, and furthermore contributing to the loss of biodiversity nationally and globally (which can and probably will end up causing a catastrophic food shortage).

I’ve heard and read that soy consumption can actually inhibit the body’s absorption of certain vitamins and/or minerals, and cause problems with thyroid function.   I’d like to know more about that.

I think it’s safe to say there are still a lot of people out there who believe soy is a superfood, and likely just many who are using scare tactics to demonize the plant in general.  I’ve been trying to learn more about soy, and I’ve found some information about fermentation being the key to safely and healthily eating the stuff, but I just don’t know what’s real and what’s exaggerated at this point.

I want to keep discussing soy, meat replacements (including those made from non-soy sources, like wheat and myco-protein), and the fulfillment of protein requirements in a vegetarian or vegan diet.  I’m going to leave off here for now, and I plan on writing more about this later today or in the next couple of days.  It’s a large issue to tackle all at once, and I’d like to see what other people think about it for now.   I’ve included some links for each of the specific concerns, and when I come back and go more in depth into those subjects, you’ll have an idea of where I’m getting some of my information.  Maybe I’ll get to the bottom of this, maybe not; perhaps I’ll convince some of you to pare down on your soy consumption, but then again, that’s not really what I’m here for.  We’ll see what happens.

Hankering for Meat; or Artificial Bacon Flavor

not in my house.

Every time I think about it, I am truly glad and proud of myself for being a vegetarian.  C and I watch a fair number of documentaries, and I of course read a lot, so more and more information comes at us about factory farming and genetically modified crops and the like.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to proselytize, I was just mentioning it.  What I mean to talk about is this – no matter how often I reaffirm the decision to be vegetarian, and to avoid the eggs and dairy products that come from unethical sources, it’s still difficult sometimes.  I rarely desire meat anymore at mealtimes.  It doesn’t occur to me to cook it or buy it when I’m thinking about what to eat for dinner or what to pick up at the grocery store.  When I watch television, though, wow.  Meat is advertised so heavily that it’s inescapable if I’m going to watch anything on cable.

Classy women buy meat.

I could just stop watching TV.  That would probably be my best decision.  I use Hulu for a lot of my house-hunting/interior decorating show fixes, and for Family Guy, but sometimes C and I just want to scan the channels and give our brains a well-deserved vacation for an hour or two.  That’s when I get bombarded with these commercials for delicious-looking burgers, flaky and tender fish fillet sandwiches, steaming bowls of chicken noodle soup… you name it, I’ve been tantalized by it on the tube.  I’m never persuaded to stray, but do experience some impure thoughts.

In real life, away from those images, I’m fine.  I don’t often find myself tempted by the meat others are eating in front of me.  The reality of the actual stuff, conveniently within eating distance, actually poses little to no temptation, unlike the advertisements.  Unfortunately, the smell of cooking bacon always fills me with a deep longing, but that seems to be my only weakness.

the ad for this sandwich kills me every time.

I have been meat-free (with occasional unwitting and frustrating accidents,  such as my first spoonful of French onion soup, and a stray bacon bit at a salad bar) for more than a year now, probably somewhere around a year and a half.  I do not regret my decision, but I feel that I must not be alone with this occasional coveting of meaty meals – and it’s not even the meat itself, as I mentioned, but rather the suggestion of the taste, and the effect of skillful photography, clever lighting, and goodness knows how much more artifice.

I have to wonder if that will ever go away.  Is it possible that it will get worse as the time since my last meaty meal increases?  I hope not.  Ideally, as the months and years go by, I will cease recognizing these media images of drumsticks, ribs, and steaks as food, and they will no longer inspire any yearning.

So, for those vegetarians or vegans reading this, what (if any) fleshy foods do you miss the most?  Do you find yourself just a little sad when a basket of chicken wings floats by on a waiter’s tray?  Maybe it’s a Philly cheese steak or a turkey club that gets you a bit misty eyed.  I don’t think there’s any harm in talking about it, as long as we’re firm in our beliefs and don’t fear there’s a chance of backsliding.

If you still eat meat, this remains a judgment-free zone.  I’m curious what would be the last type of meat that you would be willing to give up, though – what is it that’s so delicious that you just can’t part with?  I would guess it’s beef for a lot of people, whether it’s a steak, a burger, or a roast.

strawberry-flavored and weird.

My own favorite flavors, some of which I mentioned earlier, include bacon, a bacon cheeseburger, a chicken spiedie (it’s a sandwich with a certain marinade for the meat) with mayo, a venison steak, kielbasa, and battered & fried fish (fish sticks!).  If they ever come up with a completely synthetic and not too bad for you but very convincing bacon flavoring, I will be so happy.  I’d chew bacon-flavored gum for hours.  That sounds weird, but it’s tough to give up those flavors, even though I know it’s the right choice for me personally.  There just isn’t much out there that isn’t meat but really tastes like it.  I know for a lot of people that’s too big of a sacrifice, but for me it’s worth it.

A Ridiculous Resolution

(I know I said I would post this yesterday… but I didn’t.  Oh well.)

This year I made several New Year’s resolutions.  I’m not going to share all of them or give updates on how well I’m sticking to them (or not).  I was thinking a lot about language last year, though, and I’m still preoccupied with it, so I decided to share one of the resolutions I made; well, two, rather, which are related to each other.  As a sort of umbrella resolution, I’m attempting to tighten up my verbal communication.  I’m very particular about grammar and word usage anyway, and a wee bit critical of others and their speech, so I’m going to focus on my own.

The other resolution, which is really a specific part of the larger whole, is to stop using the word “ridiculous.”  I am trying to go cold turkey at first, and then gradually work it back into conversation – but only where it belongs!  I truly have overused and abused this poor word.  I don’t really know why it became my go-to word for so many situations, given that it doesn’t strictly mean what I often use it to mean.  (Then again, maybe my life is simply overrun with ridiculous situations.  Who knows?)  When I say ridiculous, usually the subject to which I’m referring isn’t “laughable” or “droll.”   “Preposterous,” maybe, but often not “worthy of ridicule or derision.”  (Preposterous is actually a lovely word, isn’t it?  Though you do have to be careful about that one, which literally means “in the wrong order.”)  When you think about all the utterly useful and precise terms I could use in place of the R word, you realize how silly it is for me to limit myself to that one fallback option.  I would like to add that I am not the only one to take advantage of this word.  I hear it a lot – maybe that’s why I adopted it for my own.
This imprecision is a common problem, I think.  I frequently intend to say something that differs slightly from the actual definition of the word that I have chosen, and I believe I’m safe in saying that there’s quite a lot of that going around.  It’s a matter of sloppiness and laziness – I could spend a few more seconds reflecting on which word to say, or I could take the easy way out and go on verbal auto-pilot.

I’m aware that language evolves, and how I feel about that is another issue for another day.  There are some words, however, that are what they are, and as yet remain what they once were.  (Are you still with me?)  I hear a lot of words being thrown around these days that simply do not mean what people are using them for.  Here are some examples:

incredible
awesome
fantastic

A lot of words taken informally to mean “very good” don’t mean that at all, which drives me just a little bit batty.  Even the word “good” is tricky.  There are so many different definitions for it, making it useful as a universally applicable word for something valuable or satisfactory; then again, with all those meanings, it’s rather vague, is it not?

I reckon we Americans need to polish our speaking habits, and I’m not even going to get into pronunciation, grammar, and spelling right now.  I think it is important to know exactly what a word implies when you’re choosing it to articulate your thoughts for you.  It’s easy enough to check the definitions of words you commonly employ, and actually sort of fun to look them up in a thesaurus, finding new ways to express yourself.  (Of course, I’m a word geek, so that’s my idea of a good time.)  For instance, when I’m on the brink of exploiting the word (or lexeme, if you will) “ridiculous,” I could stop, think about what I’m truly trying to say, and then pop out one of these beauties – absurd, preposterous, asinine, outrageous, monstrous, daft, fatuous, implausible, capricious, or unreasonable.

There’s really no excuse for not spicing up your speech.  Use words that mean what you mean, and give some of those other words a well-deserved break.   As Robbie Gould said in Dirty Dancing, “a little precision, please, Baby.”

Getting the Ball Rolling Again

My my, have I been truant! I apologize.
This is just a post to try to rally the troops – I plan on writing an actual post of reasonable substance and length tomorrow. I’ve typed up a couple of ideas so as to jump-start myself when I sit down to do it, in case my brain is reluctant to get the words flowing. Hopefully all will go as planned, so in the meantime, heads up!

Thanks Giving

There’s one holiday tradition that I’ve been thinking about lately.  It’s not something that my family does, and I’m not certain whether we ever have; maybe we did once, but the memory is fuzzy and could be fabricated.  (For that matter, I’ve had Thanksgiving dinners with other families, including C’s, and they didn’t do it either.)  Maybe this is a tradition that has fallen by the wayside.  I’d like to think that some people still do it, though, and I’d like to see if I can get my family to start this year.

I’m talking about giving thanks, the whole point of the meal we all gather for in late November.  Have people decided that gratitude is tacky and old-fashioned?  That seems strange to me.  Perhaps when we all get together for Thanksgiving dinner, some of us are coming in an attitude of thanks, and thinking it, but we rarely say it out loud.  Do we think it will be embarrassing to reveal those kinds of emotions?  It seems like ours has become somewhat of a culture of complaint, of feeling that things aren’t happening often enough, fast enough, big enough, loudly enough, efficiently enough, or just plain good enough.  It’s almost not cool to talk about what you’re satisfied with, what things you appreciate.

I’m not saying people have lost the feeling of gratitude altogether.  That’s certainly not true.  I’d like it if we expressed it more, though.  I’ve read and heard things about the art of gratitude, just like many other people.  Apparently, feeling appreciative about what you have in your life opens you up to more good things coming your way.  I don’t know about that, but I do know that being positive is beneficial to your personal well-being; plus, broadcasting thankfulness and positive energy toward your family, and thus outward to the rest of the world, is only going to make people feel happier.  That’s just a win-win.

So to get back to Thanksgiving, I’m interested in a sort of tacky, old-fashioned, good and cheesy sharing of gratitude before dinner.  I’d like to see my family seated around the table, each person taking turns to tell everyone at least one thing that he or she really feels thankful for, really letting go of the worries and the hardships to focus on what makes us feel fortunate, or simply happy.  This shouldn’t be very hard at all, if you can manage to get yourself into the right attitude – and that’s really what it’s about for me, readjusting your perspective so that what you’re looking at are the things that cause you joy, allowing the things that cause you stress to go out of focus for a while.

I’m also going to go out on a limb and suggest that maybe we wouldn’t be remiss in including something like this in our everyday lives, whether it happens before a meal, or just whenever we have the time.  It might be a good exercise in keeping our attention centered on the good stuff.

I know there are still families out there who say “Grace” before all of their meals (or at least at dinner time); and also there are some who don’t do it as frequently, but rather save it for the more special occasions.  I may not be a religious person, but I consider myself to be spiritual, and I definitely appreciate it when C’s uncle says a “blessing” over the food when we go to a family reunion.  The things Uncle Joe says are always about being so glad everyone traveled there safely, and giving thanks to God that all our family is healthy, and expressing how fortunate we are to have such good food – and enough of it for us all to eat our fill.  You don’t have to believe in his particular god or any god at all to agree with those sentiments.

I propose we all try bringing back this sort of practice.  If saying the “thank you, God” part makes you squeamish, it’s easily replaced with an “I am grateful for ___” sort of statement.  In my opinion, a broad, unspecified gratitude is just as meaningful as one directed to a deity.  Maybe just once in a while, to warm up to it, you can talk with your family about being grateful – whether it’s that you can afford to put this food on the table, or that this particular animal gave its life so that you can have a healthy and nourishing meal, or something unrelated, such as having had a successful day at work or a bit of happy news.

There are endless things to be glad about, and it seems to me that bringing attention to them can only increase the good feelings you have about them, thus magnifying their presence in your world.

The Quest for Sleep

I don't eat tofu, but this is funny anyway.

Like many many people, I have trouble sleeping at night.  (I specify “at night” because napping during the day is actually a lot easier for me.)   For me it’s a combination of external and internal disruptions that keep me from getting the rest I need.  Unfortunately, I do some of my best thinking right before I fall asleep.  I actually keep a notebook in the drawer of my bedside table for jotting things down; otherwise, I will lay there worrying about whether or not I will remember in the morning whatever idea it is that suddenly came upon me.  If I write it down, my brain is allowed to forget about it temporarily and I can feel myself relax just a bit more.

Incidentally, I also keep a separate notebook handy in the same drawer for writing down the things C says in his sleep.  (There’s a word for this – somniloquy.  Is that not a great word?  I love it.)  There are quite a few conversations already recorded in there, which I like to flip through now and then for a bit of comic relief.  I usually read them aloud to him the next day, and he is always surprised, with no recollection of the things he said – such as the night he startled me with the revelation “Swiss has holes.”  I asked him if he meant the cheese, and he answered in the affirmative.  I can often get two or three responses from him in the middle of his dream-talking, if I speak quietly and sometimes repeat myself.  It shouldn’t come as much surprise that this sort of interaction only adds to my difficulties falling asleep, because it usually occurs just as I’m about to drift off.  (Wikipedia’s article about somniloquy has this hilarious statement in it – “Sleep-talking by itself is harmless; however, it can wake up others and cause them consternation.”  I’d say consternation is a great way of putting it.)

Apparently what I suffer from fits the definition of insomnia, because I not only have difficulty falling asleep, but I am also quite easily awoken.  I hear everything. The trouble isn’t in the diagnosis, it’s trying to figure out why I have the issue, and then addressing the root cause.  Sometimes one of the best ways (or as a last resort) to figure out what causes a problem is to see what alleviates it.  I have tried many different methods of dealing with my insomnia, some of which work better than others, so I thought I’d share a few of my more successful experiences.

one of my favorite wines from my favorite winery

First of all, I’d like to give a shout-out to wine.  I’ve mentioned wine before, in a post about our families’ reactions to our vegetarianism. Nothing eases my discomfort and assuages my anxieties quite as joyfully as a glass or two of wine.  It really relaxes me, and so I certainly enjoy having that glass or two relatively close to bedtime.  I tend to sleep pretty well through the night when I’ve had some wine (or liquor), so it’s pretty tempting to make a routine out of it.  I don’t like to rely on alcohol, however, so this is not my most commonly used technique, just a once-in-a-while thing.  (I’d feel this way even if there wasn’t a tendency toward alcoholism in my blood, but that just reinforces my feelings on the matter.)

I’ve also mentioned before once or twice that C and I are big fans of candlelight in the evenings, whether while we’re reading together, or playing a game, or anything at all.  I’ve found that lighting candles when the sun goes down rather than turning on lamps is a very lovely way of not only saving energy, but of not confusing your body’s natural rhythm.  (It has to do with melatonin and the circadian rhythm – this site explains it pretty well.)  Many times I will climb in bed and prop myself up with a reading pillow, with a couple candles lit on my night table and a good book.  This is one of my favorite ways to calm down at the end of the day, and it does help me to get tired enough to fall asleep.  I firmly believe that having the lights on before I go to bed (and the TV is much, much worse) really makes it difficult for me to wind down.  I just end up lying in bed wishing I was ready to be there.  Sometimes when we’ve had the lights on and/or have been watching a movie or a show, I will run a bath, turn off the bathroom light, and bring the candles and the book to the tub with me.  There’s not much in life that’s more relaxing and pleasurable than a candlelit bath.  (Of course, if you add a glass of wine to the mix… but no, I’ve already talked about wine.)

Then there are herbs.  I just can’t say enough about medicinal herbs.  I love them dearly, and I will use them and learn more about them until the day I die, as well as recommend them to just about anyone I meet.  Herbs have become so user-friendly in this day and age.  Pick your poison – will it be a tea, a tincture, an extract, a capsule?  Is it possible to mainline them?  (I’m just kidding about that last bit…)  Many people swear by the potency of herbs in pill form, but I’ve had a great deal of success with teas, and drinking tea is so much more intimate and enjoyable than popping a pill (or two, or six).  I guess I should say “tisane,” because that’s the accepted term for a steamy hot beverage made of herbs steeped in water, with no actual tea in it (that includes black, white, green, and oolong).

Recently, C and I have been taking some herbal sleep supplements, which have herbs in them that should rightly knock me out cold, by a company called Enzymatic Therapy.  While they do make me sleepy, in a pleasant and non-groggy way, they haven’t actually made me fall asleep yet.  (The bottle says I can take up to four pills, but I haven’t been that brave.  I have a weird paranoia/phobia involving my body becoming so relaxed that my organs cease to function, causing me to die of heart failure.  Don’t think too much about this.  Move along.)  C has had great results with this formula, so I’m glad for that.

it tastes quite nice, too.

I personally prefer drinking my herbs, as I already mentioned, and when I’m not tinkering around with my personal collection of baggies and jars of dried plant matter, there is one pre-made blend that’s probably the best I’ve tried.  It’s called Bedtime Tea, appropriately enough, made by the lovely Yogi company.  It works really well for me.  Everyone is different, though, and certain herbs work wonderfully for some people and don’t have any effect at all on others.  (Echinacea is one that I don’t even bother with anymore; I might as well be looking at a picture of it for all the good it does me when I take it.)  It seems to me that the combination of skullcap and passionflower in the Bedtime Tea are what really do the job for me, so I have my own stashes of those individual herbs so that I can experiment with my own blends.

After drinking wine, sipping tea, or popping pills (all by candlelight, of course), sometimes it’s still difficult to block out the sounds of C mumbling, our cat getting into mischief, or the nineteen-year-old young man who lives downstairs from us (and who stays up much later).  For this, I have a pair of last resort foam earplugs on standby.  I don’t love them, they’re kind of gross, and they always manage to work their way out of my ears by morning, but they muffle noise quite well for several glorious hours.

You’d think I’d be sleeping like a log every night, what with this arsenal of insomnia-fighting ammunition, but you’d be wrong.  I’m still working on a fool-proof system, because what works one night doesn’t necessarily do diddly the next.  Let me know if you have any tried and true remedies, as I am open to suggestion.  The only thing I won’t try is a prescription sleep aid, and it’s no use trying to argue with me.  I’m confident that one day I’ll nail this thing; and I’ll do it naturally, or I won’t do it at all.

The Couple that Reads Together…?

One of my favorite authors is Madeleine L’Engle, whose books I’ve recently been re-reading (and reading for the first time, in some cases). The series that I enjoy the most out of all her books is about a family named the Austins, who seem like a very pleasant and comfortable bunch.  In the Austin books, one of the family’s traditions is reading out loud in the evenings.  Sometimes the mother would read through an entire book by herself, during the course of several evenings or a couple of weeks, and sometimes the family members would take turns reading portions of the same thing or reading short stand-alone pieces.

this is what my copy looks like!

I love reading about this.  It sounds so cozy to me, the whole family sitting around a fire in the living room, faces all turned to whoever is reading that evening, or gazing off into space speculatively.  The family doesn’t continue the nightly reading in all the novels, but the tradition is revived in my favorite Austin family book, A Ring of Endless Light. (There was actually a Disney Channel original movie made based on this book, but I would prefer not to talk about it.)  I’d like to share this passage with you from the book:

When we lived in Thornhill, bedtime used to be one of the best parts of the day.  Mother always read to us, and we sang, and said prayers, and sometimes Mother would get her guitar and sit on the stairs where we could all hear her equally, and sing.

In New York it changed, not because it was New York and a very different world but, as Mother said, in the nature of things and our growing up.  John was away at college, and anyhow for the past couple of years he’d stopped being part of the good-night ritual because of homework.  And I had enough homework to occupy me till bedtime, and I stayed up an hour later than Suzy and a couple of hours later than Rob, and my bedtime routine had become little more than saying good night to Mother and Daddy.

So that evening after dinner I was pleased to have Daddy say, “How about some reading aloud in the evenings?”

“I’d like that,” Grandfather said.

…[they choose to read Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, and the mother begins to read.]…

I lay on the worn porch floor, my eyes closed, listening.  Suddenly I realized that Mother does read beautifully.  In Thornhill she was simply Mother, reading to us, the way anybody’s mother might read.  Now I knew that not many people could put the richness and life into the words that she did, and that bringing words and music to life was her very special talent.

When she finished, she closed the book with a bang.  Nobody spoke for a moment.  Then she said, “Bedtime.”

Daddy sighed, a long, contented sigh.  “Thank you, Victoria.  This is going to be a good pattern for our evenings.”

——–

there's only one adult in this picture.

So even the adults get into this activity; the family ranges from quite old to quite young, and the whole family feels enriched by this shared reading. True, the family did initially stop the reading out loud business when some of the members got a bit too old, but they changed their mind about that and began again.  That’s what I like so much about it; they all discover that they weren’t too grown up for it after all.

Why do we stop reading out loud to each other when we grow older?  Why is out-loud reading presumed to be just for children, and what is the point at which we usually stop?  I can’t remember when the final time my mother read me a book occurred.  It was probably later than it would be for most people, because I seem to remember being quite sick at one point and asking my mom to read me something even though I was too old for it, just because I knew how much it would soothe me.  (I would bet that she said something along the lines of “you’re never too old to be read to!”  The fact is, though, it simply doesn’t happen anymore; so while that line might be true, it doesn’t change the reality of the situation.)

the cover of the first edition.

So where am I going with this?  Well, I decided that it was just plain silly for adults to not read to each other.  (I mean, look how much fun the Austins were having!  That could be you!)   When I make my mind up about something, sometimes I don’t do diddly squat about it, but this time I wanted to change this status quo, at least in my own home.  I mentioned it to C, and he was unsure how he’d feel about it at first.  I wheedled and bargained, and convinced him to let me read James and the Giant Peach aloud to him, because Roald Dahl is another one of my favorite authors, and C had never read it.  (There’s been a film made of this book… and also make sure to check out Fantastic Mr. Fox, which is another of his books made into a movie, coming out November 25!)  I thought a children’s book (of course that’s debatable with Dahl) would be a good first choice, being short and lending itself to the usage of a variety of different character voices.  We both enjoyed it immensely… and the ball was rolling.  The next book I read to him was Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time, which I hadn’t read in quite a while, so it was a refresher for me and a first for him.  This reading out loud thing was getting to be quite a hit, and we were both eager for more after that.

The book we’re reading now is a departure from the two fiction novels we’ve read together so far.  I recently read a book called The Botany of Desire by one of my favorite nonfiction authors, Michael Pollan (writer of the amazing, wonderful book The Omnivore’s Dilemma).  It was so fascinating to me that I just couldn’t refrain from reading little passages from it aloud to C, who discovered that he also quite liked Pollan’s style.  When I checked out a copy of A Place of My Own by the same author, which I had placed on reserve at the library (and which I was very excited to read), C expressed a great deal of interest in it.  We had been going to read the next book in the Time Quartet from L’Engle (the next one after A Wrinkle in Time, which is A Wind in the Door), but our desire to read Pollan’s book won out.  Madeleine L’Engle’s books will still be there when we’re finished.

we're really enjoying this book.

A Place of My Own is due at the library very soon; tomorrow, in fact, if memory serves me.  Since we weren’t quite halfway through yet, two nights ago I proposed a marathon reading session.  I read for over an hour, probably roughly an hour and half, and it went so swimmingly that we repeated the experience last night, this time for 2 hours plus change.  It’s no small feat to keep reading out loud for that long; the more tired I get, the more my tongue trips over the words or gets ahead of my brain.  (C poked fun at me once – just once – for pronouncing the word “issued” oddly last night… and that was the last time he’ll do that, I think.)  My throat does tend to get a bit scratchy, so I like to keep a cup of hot tea at the ready for sipping between paragraphs.  C is very nice about being willing to get up and start the kettle going mid-session, in order to brew up something delicious and soothing to my vocal chords – with a spoonful of honey, of course.

Reading is very fulfilling to do on your own, and a totally different experience when shared.  I truly enjoy reading aloud, and C enjoys hearing my voice.  It’s nice to watch his face for reactions to things I read, to see if they match mine.  Altogether, it’s a very relaxing and rewarding way to spend the evening; I really can’t recommend it enough.  I plan on continuing to read together for a long time now.  Maybe at some point C will feel comfortable doing the reading part while I listen, but if that never happens it won’t detract from my enjoyment of the time spent together.  Sharing a book is so much more intimate than watching a movie or tv, even if you’re cuddling on the couch.  It’s more personal, and I believe it’s far better for the mind.  Plus, it doesn’t use any electricity other than a light, which you would probably have on anyway while you were watching tv!  (We often read by candlelight, but you have to have more than just one or two candles for that, and even so it’s much more of a challenge, although it’s certainly more relaxing.)

Well, there you have it.  Reading together is fun for all ages, and might just be good for your relationship as well.  I say give it a try – what have you got to lose?

I’m Dreaming of a Stress-Free Thanksgiving

Dream on, right?

I know, I know, stress is an essential part of the holidays!  Why would I ever want to do without it?  Well, I’ll tell you – I think that my family and I, as well as just about every other family and individual in America, go through quite enough stress throughout the entire rest of the year, thank you very much.

they're the most stressful two months of the year...

It’s my belief that the holidays should be a time for a reprieve from all that stress – that concept starts in the etymology of the word itself, which means holy day, which is generally understood to mean a rest from work and other normal quotidian routines.  Rest and relaxation – that should be the name of the game, but Western holidays seem to have evolved into the most stressful events of the year, particularly that stretch of time after Halloween, when everyone has already started to think about Christmas presents (even before buying the wouldn’t-be-Thanksgiving-without-it turkey), right up to the thank-you-lord-it’s-finally-over second day of January.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  We all sure do seem to be gluttons for punishment.

I plan on dedicating a few posts to the concept of reduced-stress holidays, focusing on the elements of shared family time, relaxing, finding joy, getting in touch with gratitude, and other similar ideas.  One of the main issues I keep coming back to is that of tradition versus obligation.

I am all for tradition.  I believe in the idea of tradition, that is, and not necessarily specific examples of it.  I like thinking about families coming up with their own traditions, and having them be a comfort zone in which to gather together, a source of happiness for everyone.  I think many cultural traditions are very important, because they help people to keep in touch with their roots, to preserve the memory of ancestors and the things that were important to them.  That aspect of it makes me sometimes wish I had a slightly less varied cultural background, or that I had some idea of what kinds of traditions belonged to my predecessors of any of my heritages.

C's and my first Xmas tree, in our first apartment together

What I am not all for is the obligation I mentioned before, the sense of being required to cook certain foods or decorate in a certain way, to do anything that isn’t comfortable for you or that doesn’t bring you and your family joy.  Some of the aspects of our favorite holidays cause people to feel frantic and spread out too thinly, stretched to the breaking point.  Still, we persevere, feeling that it simply wouldn’t be the same if any of these elements were altered or left out entirely.  Is that true?  Would Christmas no longer be Christmas without strings of electric lights, or a dying (or fake) tree in the living room, with expensive and unneeded gifts strewn about its base?  How about Thanksgiving – would the meal be ruined if, as the main course and centerpiece, there weren’t a trussed and dressed bird of epic proportions that took all day to cook (and certainly won’t all be eaten in that same day)?

Somehow, I just don’t believe all those things are necessary.  Certainly they are desired by many, and I’m sure there are plenty of people for whom the enjoyment of them outweighs and overrides the stress factor.   I aim to consider this, and propose some alternatives – or maybe some alterations, to the “givens” of the holidays, the things we take for granted as necessary.  I encourage everyone to think of the activities or foods or what have you that you would be perfectly happy to do without, and maybe even more importantly, to try to come up with some ideas for traditions you might like to start in your own families that would enhance your enjoyment of the season and have special meaning for you.

Dear Arm & Hammer (the ongoing saga)

I bought some new cat litter on Sunday, made by Arm & Hammer.  I was pretty excited to find a corn-based litter at a regular old grocery store (within walking distance from our apartment), which meant I didn’t have to drive to a specialty pet store to get some.  I tried wheat litter last time for my cat, and the brand I found doesn’t clump well at ALL and so the litter stayed wet, thus staying quite stinky.  I really wanted to avoid using clay, hence the eagerness at trying A&H’s corn litter.  The package says it’s “so effective, you won’t believe it’s natural!” Yeah.  They’re right.  I don’t believe it.

The reason I don’t believe it is that I got it home and opened it up, after dumping out everything that was previously in the litter box (including all the old litter – good riddance) into a garbage bag, and as soon as I cut the package open I was hit by a strong flowery stink – grrr!!  I never buy scented stuff.  It’s bad news bears, all those chemicals and whatnot.  What we usually get for our kitty is Fresh Step Perfume & Dye Free, or the Cat’s Pride Natural litter.  I’m so picky about what we use for her (here’s some information about natural litter choices), and what we use in our home in general.  I was pretty ticked off when I smelled this new litter, and C said from across the room, “wow, I can smell that all the way over here.”  So I decided I wanted my money back.

Using the Contact Us link, I filled out a form and wrote a lengthy comment expressing my displeasure at being duped.

Unfortunately, I lost the full text of my comment.  I had copied it to the clipboard on my laptop, then I copied and pasted a URL (probably the link to the Arm & Hammer litter) and I guess I can’t retrieve the original comment.

I received a notification from the company that my comment had been received, and asking me to be patient while they get around to actually responding to my concern.  I was hoping that my comment would be quoted in that email, but it was not.  Maybe when they contact me again, it will be in that message, but if not, I might try to ask for a copy of it.  At any rate, I basically told them that I would never have bought this litter if I had known it was scented, I mentioned phthalates,  and expressed my disappointment at being deceived.  If and when I do receive a personal response, I will post that here so you can all see what they have to say about the whole thing.

Update:  I finally got a response from the consumer relations department of Church Dwight, which is apparently the mother company to Arm & Hammer.  Here’s what they had to say:

“Dear Ms. —–:

Thank you for visiting our web site recently and taking the time to contact us regarding  ARM & HAMMER® Essentials Clumping Cat Litter. We are sorry to learn of your dissatisfaction with the product’s packaging.

We appreciate your bringing this matter to our attention and are concerned that our product did not meet the usual standard of quality you have come to expect from us.  Your comments are important to us and provide valuable information that helps us maintain the high level of quality associated with our products.

At ARM & HAMMER® we guarantee your satisfaction and under separate cover, via the United States Postal Service, have sent a refund check for the product you purchased.

Again, thank you for taking the time and having the interest to contact us.  We value your patronage and trust you will continue to purchase ARM & HAMMER® products with confidence.  If you have any questions or concerns in the future, please call us at 1-800-524-1328.

We hope you will visit our web site again at: WWW.CHURCHDWIGHT.COM for information about our company, products, history, and financial information.

David H. Flagg
Consumer Relations Specialist”

——————————–

Well, I’m not sure they fully addressed my specific concern there, but I’m getting my money back…  That doesn’t really do anything for all the people who purchase the product with my same mindset and are equally deceived.  The company did give me the opportunity to send them a follow up comment via a link that would ensure the new comment was connected to my first one in their files or whatever.  Perhaps they take people more seriously if they take the time to respond a second time, or maybe they don’t really care very much.  I don’t know, but it’s worth a try.  I’d like a slightly more personal response than what I got.

Once I sent a letter to Burt’s Bees, when I learned that the company had been purchased by Clorox.  I received a very nice letter from the CEO of the company, telling me he completely understood my concerns and urging me to continue to be skeptical, and he said that he believed I would be pleased with the changes they were working on within the Clorox company itself.  I still don’t buy Burt’s Bees products, because of their ingredients and my preference for Badger Balm, but I was really pleased by the response.  So I still have some respect for the company.

In light of the fact that they did seem to care, even if just a little bit, about what I had to say, I decided to send Arm & Hammer (or Church Dwight) another comment, trying to delve further into this issue:

“I appreciate your response to my concern, and I am grateful that you are sending me a refund.

If it isn’t too much inconvenience, I wonder if it is possible for you to disclose the ingredients of the product to me.  I would like to know at the very least what the ingredient is that gives the product its scent, so I can make a more informed decision about whether I am comfortable using it.

I consider it to be entirely possible that the ingredients you use are perfectly safe, but I feel it necessary to err on the side of caution when that information is unavailable to me.  If I knew what else was in the litter besides baking soda and corn, and I felt good about the contents, it’s likely that I would purchase it again.

I truly hope you will consider disclosing at least some of your ingredients (particularly the scent) on your package.  If you believe your product to be a safe one, then it seems to me that listing your ingredients would be a very smart move, as it would reassure any potential purchasers of the quality of the product (and the company’s confidence in said quality).

Thank you for your time in reading this, and thank you again for your response to my initial message. “

Hopefully they’ll get back to me again, and if they do, I’ll be sure to post it here again.